Deceptions: Chapter 3

Chapter Three

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
~ ‘Hurt’, Nine Inch Nails

Silence. No reply. He hadn’t been asked to enter but he hadn’t been turned away either. Squaring his shoulders, Alec rattled the doorknob. It was locked, as expected.

“Max,” he called softly through the door. “Can I come in?”

“I want to be alone,” came the muffled reply from within.

“Max, this is crazy. You’ve been alone for over a week! Come on, open up.” The silence returned. “Please?” he added finally, his request bordering on a plea.

Shuffled movements, a chair scraping the floor and the quiet pad of footsteps raised a hopeful smile to his lips. The door swung open and his smile fell at the sight that met his eyes.

Max looked like hell. Her clothing was rumpled and damp, her hair matted and lusterless. Eyes that were usually bright and shining were puffy and red rimmed, ringed with heavy, dark circles. Her complexion was sallow; her normally golden skin pasty, her lips cracked and bleeding, and telltale tracks from dried tears lined her cheeks.

She stared at him wordlessly, unfocused, as he took in her appearance. When he found his voice again, Alec couldn’t keep the worry from his tone.

“Max, what the hell is going on? I’ve been worried about you. Hell, all of Terminal City is worried about you! You look like you’ve been through hell, and-” He stopped as a half-sob, part-hiccup choked its way from between Max’s dry, cracked lips. He reached out to her, but her body tensed and she shrank back before facing him with tightly drawn lips. Slowly releasing a breath, her eyes flashing angrily, she spoke coldly.

“I’m not dead yet. Now you can report back and maybe everyone will finally leave me the hell alone!”

Alec, normally used to Max’s scathing tongue, flinched at the venomously hissed words. Refusing to back down, he pressed onward in his search for answers and understanding.

“Max, look at what you’re doing to yourself! Locking yourself away from the world, not eating or sleeping,” expecting her typical response he hurriedly added, “and don’t give me that crap about shark DNA. Even you need sleep. It’s not healthy! Can’t you see we’re all worried? C’mon, Max, talk to me.”

There was nothing that she wanted more than to tell Alec what had happened. To have him take her in his arms like he used to do, to comfort her, reassure her that everything would be okay. But she knew he couldn’t, that it wouldn’t. Everything was so beyond her reach and it was pointless to try.

From the corner of her eye, Max saw Alec slowly moving closer. She made the mistake of catching his gaze and froze at the look of anxiety she discerned there. In turn, Alec saw something he’d never thought to find in her eyes; sheer hopelessness and deep hurt.

“What happened, Max? Tell me?” he pleaded, concern and worry creasing his face.

Tears that seemed to come all too easily flooded her eyes again, and without further thought, he pulled her into a tight embrace. She seemed to melt into him, pressing close to the warmth his body provided until his scent registered. Stiffening, she wrenched herself from his arms abruptly. She missed the look of hurt he threw at her as she turned away.

“I’m fine. I just needed to sort things out on my own. Why can’t you leave me alone? This past year you managed just fine. Why start now?” she bit out through clenched teeth.

“You pushed me away, remember? I laid my heart on the line and you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me. I-” Alec stopped suddenly, running a hand through his hair in distraction and balling his fists in frustration. “Look, Max, I didn’t come here to argue with you. I came to find out what the hell is going on. You’re freaking me out, damn it! You’re practically a ghost! Whatever it is that’s hurting you, you’ve gotta get past it! Letting this eat at you is killing you slowly. You’re a shadow. What happened to ‘tough girl’ Max? Where’s the kick-ass chick that doesn’t let shit get her down?”

Max glared at Alec. “Like I said, I’m dealing with it. Just leave. I don’t really feel up to kicking ass today.”

“You’re dealing with it.” Alec snorted. “I can see that. You look like shit. And I bet even one of the X8s could take you down right about now.” Would the taunting work? The fire and passion that was Max was nowhere to be seen. He couldn’t bear to see her this defeated.

Max’s posture went rigid, her back impossibly straight and head held high. “I said, I’m dealing with it. Just drop it,” she growled.

Finally. There’s the spirit, Maxie. Softening his tone, Alec stepped closer and laid a hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. “Is it Logan? Are you two having problems?”

Max’s shoulder slumped and the oppressive air of defeat that had been lifted for a short while, crashed down around her again. We’ve had nothing but problems since I got back from Manticore with the damn virus. We’ve had problems since I shut you out. I’m still in love with you. Of course we’re having problems!

When she didn’t answer or retaliate physically as he might have expected – though considering the lack of interaction they’d had he didn’t really know what to expect – he ventured, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Max knew Alec was persistent. And that he could irritate her into opening up, something she had to avoid at all costs. But she also knew that if she didn’t get this off her chest, she would self-destruct. She’d kept her secret for so long only to learn that it was a lie. But she couldn’t let Alec find out the truth.

Turning to face the man she loved, she gathered every reserve of rage and resentment she could muster and literally flew at him, fists striking home.

“Why would I talk to you?! I never asked you to get involved in my life! My business is my own. Whatever is happening between me and Logan is between me and Logan! Damn it, Alec! Can’t you leave it alone?! Fuck! Do I ask you about Hailey? Do I get in your face when I see you-“

Max bit her tongue fiercely, drawing blood. Palms pressed flat against his chest, she shoved Alec away forcefully. What the hell is wrong with me?! she thought wildly. She’d almost admitted that she worried about him. That whenever she saw him looking at her with that best-left-unnamed emotion in his eyes all she wanted to do was pull him into her arms and tell him everything would be okay. That she really did care.

Damn it, girl! Get it together! She shook herself mentally. I have to get out of here! Grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair, Max made a mad dash for the door. The speed with which she exited the room made Alec spin. She was a blur and then she was gone.

Alec was more than a little confused at her outburst. She was angry, but somehow he didn’t feel that the anger was directed at him. Rubbing his jaw, he walked over to Max’s desk and picked up the tearstained file that lay on the tabletop.

‘Patient has been cleared of all traces of genetic defects or mutation. All concerns regarding her ability to conceive were unwarranted.’

The words stood out in bold, red letters. But that wasn’t what held his attention. It was the date at the top of the document.

His forehead creased in concentration as he thought back to the date printed on the page. Frowning, he reread the contents of the file, nibbling absentmindedly on his thumb all the while.

‘Patient has been cleared…All concerns…unwarranted.’

Alec tiredly rubbed at his temples, trying to massage away the ache that had slowly built since he’d stepped into the room. He glanced down at the medical report once more. Squinting in concentration, teeth worrying his lower lip, he shuddered as the idea of what it all could mean crept into his mind. Surely not, he chastised himself. But the sense that something just didn’t add up made him uneasy. Maybe…no.

Unwilling to allow his thoughts to follow the alarming path they’d begun; Alec braced his shoulders and tried to shake his unease. He was concerned for Max. He hoped that she really had decided to talk to someone. If he was lucky she’d turn to the only person she ever really opened up to.

Cindy was shell-shocked. Max stood framed in the doorway, wet hair plastered to her head, looking dishevelled and devastated. Grasping her friend’s hands with her own, Cindy shivered. Max was as cold as ice and looking like death warmed over. In all the years she’d known her boo, the transgenic had never had this aura of frailty and it scared her to see Max so unguarded. White had done some serious damage in the past but that paled in comparison to the stark, naked vulnerability and broken spirit that emanated from her friend.

Dragging the shaking girl to the couch, Cindy pushed her down against the cushions and hurried to the kitchen to make some coffee. Returning minutes later she found Max in the same position she’d left her; sitting ramrod straight, hands clasped in her lap and staring blankly ahead.

She thrust the steaming mug into Max’s hands, hoping that the heat would thaw more than her friend’s icy fingers. “Drink up, boo. You need to get warm. I’ll go get you a change of clothes.”

Rummaging around in Max’s dresser, she pulled out a pair of sweats and a fresh tank. Depositing them on the side of the tub in the bathroom, Cindy returned to the living room and shook her head. The coffee was untouched, still locked within Max’s hands. Gently extracting the cup from her grasp, Cindy placed it on the coffee table and tugged at the now free hands that had fallen limply to Max’s lap.

“Clothes are in the bathroom, boo. Pull yourself together, girl, and get yo’ ass dry. Don’t make me lay the smack-down on you,” she threatened, not altogether teasingly. Max slowly shook herself from her daze and met Cindy’s concerned gaze with slightly glazed eyes.

“Thanks,” she said softly, rising from the couch and treading quietly to the bathroom.

Cindy was trying to wrap her head around the situation. Max looked beaten, emotionally wiped. And for once, she felt certain that it wouldn’t take much for Max to confess whatever it was that was bothering her. It was clearly something big; her girl had never had such a deadened look in her eyes and Cindy’s heart ached to see it.

The shower turned off and minutes later Max exited the steam-filled bathroom, hair encased in a tightly wound towel, body dressed and dry. Some color had returned to her cheeks and her movements were decidedly steadier. But her friend’s eyes were dull and almost lifeless; her shoulders slumped as if burdened by the weight of the whole world and then some.

Original Cindy patted the space beside her on the sofa. “Sit down, boo, and tell me what’s weigh’n you down like there’s no tomorrow.”

Max slunk slowly across the room and sunk into the lumpy cushions, exhaling softly. Original Cindy curled an arm around Max’s slim shoulders and squeezed gently in a show of silent comfort and strength. As Max lifted her legs onto the couch, tucking them beneath her and leaning closer into her friend’s side, Cindy could have sworn she felt the emptiness and pain wafting from the broken girl.

They sat just holding each other for some time. Cindy knowing that Max needed time to collect her thoughts and Max knowing her friend would wait until she was ready. She relished the companionable silence, welcomed the familiar routine of days past when life seemed so much simpler and responsibilities weren’t half as hard.

Then came the tears.

They stung her eyes, and despite her attempts to stem the flow, they spilled from her lashes and down her cheeks.

As the flow increased, her breath caught and came in gasps intermingled with choking sobs. Cindy turned her friend in her arms and held her closer as the weeping Transgenic shuddered and heaved into her neck. Finally, she pulled away and wiped her eyes, looking down desolately at the hands resting in her lap. Max opened her mouth to speak, only to shut it again suddenly. She glanced at Cindy for a moment, but a moment was all it took the other girl to glimpse the shattered look in her eyes.

“What happened, boo?” she prompted softly, lightly squeezing Max’s shoulder again.

Max slowly and quietly began the tale of her heartache and loss. The words poured out; things she thought she would take to the grave and never share with another tumbled forth from her lips, barely coherent. Cindy sat in silence, at once shocked and dismayed, angry and sympathetic, but all the while confused.

“So you thought you couldn’t have kids and now you can. Logan don’t want any and you’re afraid?”

Max shook her head, tears that had slowed to a halt started afresh. Swallowing hard, she continued her explanation, and noting the look of pity in her best friend’s eyes, she gasped sharply.

“Don’t you see? I-” Hiccup. “All this time, I could have-” Gasp. Sniffle. “I pushed him away because I thought I had to…that he deserved better,” she finished in a broken whisper.

Original Cindy tightened her arms around Max and nodded, rubbing her shoulder soothingly. She wasn’t about to guess aloud who Max was talking about but it didn’t take a genius to notice that her friend hadn’t been the same since the falling out she’d had with Alec a year ago. She’d always wondered what they’d fought over, everything between them before that had seemed to be going so well. All that bickering and rough play on Max’s part had been stemming from sexual tension. Cindy had even been tempted to tease Max on it at one point before everything had taken a nosedive.

“How can you say that? There ain’t nobody more deservin’ than you. You’re the most caring-“

“Don’t,” Max sobbed. “The worst part is that I created this mess, and now I have to live with it. I can never tell him.”

“Tell who, boo?” Cindy prodded gently.

“Alec. I thought I couldn’t have kids so I let him go…” her voice trailed off and Max shut her eyes tightly. The moment she spoke the words she felt as if a weight had been lifted. He was right, she thought with a sad quirk of the lips. Alec was right. She had needed to tell someone.

Original Cindy was at a loss for words. She understood what might have made Max chose to let Alec go, but what about Alec? After a moment’s contemplation, she realized the repercussions of that truth. Even if Max wanted to, she couldn’t tell Alec now. How would it change things? He had Hailey, his son and a new life he had built with them. She understood what Max meant by having created this mess now. Not long after the fall out they’d had, Hailey had turned on the charm, and Alec… Well, as much as she’d like to fault Max and Hailey entirely, Alec was a guy. Why can’t the good ones play for the all-girls’ team? Save ’em a lotta grief, if y’ask me, she thought with a sigh.

“But you can?” Cindy asked, needing definitive clarification on the one point.

Max dropped her head a little and Cindy took that for affirmation. “Somehow the results got mixed up and I got the short end of the stick. Love sucks,” she snorted bitterly.

Cindy shook her head. “Not always boo, but I hear ya. You know, might be a start to ask how things got screwed up in the first place. Dr. Carr might not have answers that’ll fix anything, but…”

“He’s a doctor, not a shrink, OC,” Max said with a half smile.

Original Cindy put her hands up in defense. “Whatever… they all too smart for their boots.” Squeezing her tightly one last time, she stood and stared down at Max.

“So you gonna grill him solo, or you need your home girl to help put the smack down on ‘im for the grief he caused ya?”

Alec made his way to Terminal City’s infirmary to check up on Axel’s progress. He entered the recovery room to find Mena draped unceremoniously across Axel’s thigh. His friend was wide awake and seemingly deep in thought, his fingers pulling idly through the young woman’s soft, auburn locks.

Alec cleared his throat. “Hey man, how you holdin’ up?”

“Everything’s just peachy,” Axel groused. “I feel like crap. Mole says I look it, too. Like I went through a meat grinder.” He grinned lopsidedly, as his friend smirked his concurrence. “So, what’s news?”

Alec filled Axel in on the Max situation and the convalescing Transgenic knitted his brow in concern. “So there was a mix-up. Now she knows the truth. Why do you think she’s in such a funk? Any idea what’s really going on with her, Alec?”

Alec’s lips thinned and his eyes hardened. “I’ve got a theory but I don’t really want to know. There’s got to be more to it. If, well, it would be-” he shut up quickly. Axel might be his best friend but he couldn’t bring himself to express what he was feeling, to voice the thoughts running through his mind. Sharing emotions between men was just too weird. And giving life to the ideas…the possibilities were just too painful.

“I’m cold,” Axel whined suddenly, breaking the heavy silence.

Alec smirked. “Looks like you’ve got a nice, comfy blanket, there.” Taking a more serious tone he added, “Mena hasn’t left your side since they brought you in. We weren’t sure how you’d react when you woke; she wanted to be the first thing you saw.”

Axel chuckled, wincing slightly in pain. “And look what I got to see – your ugly mug.”

“You’re lucky you can see at all. That’s a nasty gash over your left eye, bro. For a while there, Kat thought you’d lose the eye. ‘Sides, aren’t I sexy enough for you?”

“Didn’t know you swung that way, Hamburger,” came a deep voice from the doorway. Both Transgenics turned to find Mole leaning against the doorjamb, his customary unlit cigar dangling from his lips. “Does she?” he inquired teasingly, pointing to the redhead rousing slowly from slumber.

Axel sneered, but before he could reply, the woman began to stir.

“Do I wha- Axel!” She scrambled to her feet, chair toppling backwards in her haste to throw her arms around her man. “God, I thought I’d lost you,” she whispered, peppering frantic kisses all over her boyfriend’s face. Axel tightened his arms around her slim form and burrowed his nose in her hair as she sobbed into his neck. Flicking his gaze over her head to his two friends, he nodded in dismissal.

“But it’s such a touching reunion,” Alec cooed teasingly. “I wanna stay. Can I have a hug?”

Axel flipped him the bird, glared and jabbed a finger in the direction of the door.

Alec threw his hands up in mock surrender. “Alright, alright, we’re going,” he muttered good humouredly. “Oh, and Ax?” he added as he reached the door, “You might want this,” he called as he tossed a small black box that had been salvaged from the wounded Transgenic’s pocket, earlier. Axel caught it deftly in one hand and smiled at his friend. The box was in pristine condition, surprisingly undamaged. His eyes twinkled with anticipation and delight.

“Good luck, Meatball,” Mole added with a stiff salute and a wink.

Axel’s grin widened and then disappeared beneath a tangle of auburn tresses.